Wednesday, August 16th, 2017

#12 Weddings

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EBP like weddings. They enjoy the Pomp and Circumstance that comes along with an EBP wedding; an invitation only affair, filled with other EBP. Making weddings exclusive events are a favorite of EBP.

Long gone are the days of a traditional church wedding. The advanced EBP now enjoy “destination weddings”. They can prevent the undesirables from attending because they usually cannot afford it and don’t own a passport. The wedding will probably be held on a beach somewhere and there will be specific attire – usually linen, maybe even white linen.

In an effort to “keep it real”, EBP will include the jumping of the broom ritual. It validates their blackness as a couple. If you don’t understand what’s going on, watch The Best Man, The Wood, or any other movie about EBP. If you’ve never seen this ceremony before, or even if you have, ask the new couple how they thought of the idea or tell them how creative it was to include this in their ceremony. Your compliments will make them feel super special, because no one else could have had this ritual at their ceremony.

EBP will go to extreme lengths to show off on this special day. They usually give away strange wedding favors: note pads, pencils, pens, chocolate candy, or bottles of water; all with the couples name and date of the wedding. How else are you going to remember the good time you had at the wedding?

In another effort to make their weddings exclusive, they may impose a restriction of not allowing any child under the age of 13 into the reception or making the wedding black tie attire. For nothing makes EBP happier than to know that people are talking about their wedding; whether discussing what to wear or how dare they not allow you to bring your 5 kids all under 10 years old – because you don’t want to cook tonight and they can eat for free at the wedding.

At the reception it is important to compliment your hosts on how nice the ceremony was and mention that they must have spent a fortune on the entire thing. This will win you points with your educated black friend because it will help them validate the truck load of money they spent and confirm your friendship because only a true EB friend would spend thousands of dollars to go to someone else’s wedding.

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